Dear Wayside Bar:
You may have noticed that you are more than three months overdue for your annual Food Safety Inspection. (Thought you were getting away with something, didn't you?!?) We are aware of this problem and are taking steps to expedite your inspection. (We haven't forgotten about you; dream on). At the moment, the Department of Health and Food Safety is significantly understaffed, which has caused some unfortunate delays in our annual inspection program. (In other words, there are more sheriff deputies on night patrol than there are health inspectors in Sanders County at this time). We are making every effort to fulfill our inspection protocols, and ask that you continue to maintain high levels of food safety. (We know this is screwed up, so please try not to kill anyone with your food).
Love,
Your Friendly Health and Food Safety Education Worker
(I'm stressed, overworked, and in desperate need of at least a double when I do show up. Don't mess with me.)
14 October 2010
30 March 2010
Desire Expressed to see Movie Title
Insightful critical analysis preceding trailer.
Witty remark intended to provoke responses.
Witty remark intended to provoke responses.
14 October 2009
Is it wrong to go along with the insanity?
No, really ... is it?Bonus: a couple of pictures that just resurfaced from the 04 July - post-cooking before and after images of the banana leaf wrapped pork. It shredded nicely after the photo shoot.
<---
Snuggly Wrapped
--->
Naked and Alone
Naked and Alone
04 September 2009
Wondermous Eats, for true
I love seeing heads pop over or through the swinging doors to the kitchen, because they are frequently followed by hands bearing offerings of freshly harvested ingredients. Today was an exemplary day for such offerings.
A grocery sack of sweet, crisp carrots - still bearing garden dirt and morning dew,
An assortment of chiles,
Half a dozen fresh-caught crawfish,
Four fingers of purple okra,
A handful of just-harvested fava beans,
A tablespoon of fresh-churned butter,
Thirteen of the most beautiful, fingertip-size huckleberries,
A swig of B's new batch of white lightning.
Damn!
I sautéed a couple of the carrots with the butter and some fresh herbs from the planter behind the kitchen.
The crawfish, once cleansed of their mud-love, worked well with a chili, the okra, the fava beans, and some rice to create a scrumptious gumbo. All told there wasn't more than a soup bowl worth of the dish, but it made for an exquisite dinner.
To finish off the day, I swigged the white lightning, as instructed, and then savoured the huckleberries in all of their juicy righteousness as a lovely chaser.
Yum! I love people who bring me treats!
A grocery sack of sweet, crisp carrots - still bearing garden dirt and morning dew,
An assortment of chiles,
Half a dozen fresh-caught crawfish,
Four fingers of purple okra,
A handful of just-harvested fava beans,
A tablespoon of fresh-churned butter,
Thirteen of the most beautiful, fingertip-size huckleberries,
A swig of B's new batch of white lightning.
Damn!
I sautéed a couple of the carrots with the butter and some fresh herbs from the planter behind the kitchen.
The crawfish, once cleansed of their mud-love, worked well with a chili, the okra, the fava beans, and some rice to create a scrumptious gumbo. All told there wasn't more than a soup bowl worth of the dish, but it made for an exquisite dinner.
To finish off the day, I swigged the white lightning, as instructed, and then savoured the huckleberries in all of their juicy righteousness as a lovely chaser.
Yum! I love people who bring me treats!
27 August 2009
Drunken Medal of Spirit
(pun intended)
The "Drunken Medal of Spirit" honours those who, having engaged in the Bacchanalian rites, put forth those comments about which mere mortals can only fantasize.
The inaugural recipient of the Medal goes to Mr. Yakko, for his distinguished performance tonight. Yakko, after ten grueling hours of Bacchanalia, staggered over to Mrs. Elizabeth Mapp-Flint, threw his arm around her shoulders (thus thoroughly violating her personal space as they are not in the least friendly), and asked if she was leaving. Upon being told that she would not be staying to join in his revelry, he looked her square in the eye and declared, "You're just a candy ass."
Raise your hand if you haven't wanted to say that to Mrs. Mapp-Flint at some point in time.
Yeah, didn't think there would be any upraised hands on that one.
The "Drunken Medal of Spirit" honours those who, having engaged in the Bacchanalian rites, put forth those comments about which mere mortals can only fantasize.
The inaugural recipient of the Medal goes to Mr. Yakko, for his distinguished performance tonight. Yakko, after ten grueling hours of Bacchanalia, staggered over to Mrs. Elizabeth Mapp-Flint, threw his arm around her shoulders (thus thoroughly violating her personal space as they are not in the least friendly), and asked if she was leaving. Upon being told that she would not be staying to join in his revelry, he looked her square in the eye and declared, "You're just a candy ass."
Raise your hand if you haven't wanted to say that to Mrs. Mapp-Flint at some point in time.
Yeah, didn't think there would be any upraised hands on that one.
25 August 2009
Ventriloquist Nightmare: Vote Now!
This represents an important phase in the development of my fantasy football team, and your vote is urgently needed. Be a part of the process that is getting me to actually participate in fantasy football for the first time ever (if you don't count last year's Montana Lottery Fantasy Football follies).
Vote early! Vote often! Just vote! Do not leave this up to me. I'll take off at a left angle, as always, and that isn't always a pretty sight. You've been warned.
People, help me out! After much (silly) deliberation on (not-at-all serious) team name titles, the lovely LaVonda suggested "Ventriloquist Nightmare". That was just too good to pass by, so away I went. Now the catch. I simply cannot abide the default non-logo, and must substitute my own. That being said, I'm throwing it open to a vote. The poll gadget on this site appears to be sufficiently lame as to not allow visual images, so we're going old-school call-and-response style.
(Speaking of old-school, did anyone else see the news today about atms in East London soon functioning in Cockney Rhyming Schemes? How sweet is that?!? Instead of accessing your card, the machine will now access your bladder of lard. Awesome!)
Here are your options:
Option A
Option B
Option C
Vote early! Vote often! Just vote! Do not leave this up to me. I'll take off at a left angle, as always, and that isn't always a pretty sight. You've been warned.
16 August 2009
Kilts and Dog Collars: Ways to Clear a Bar Quickly #s 3 & 4
Why stop with just one way to clear a bar quickly when you could have two on the same day?
Ways to Clear a Bar Quickly #3
The Albeni Falls Pipe and Drum Band participated in today's Huckleberry Festival events, which involved men in kilts. Men, in kilts, who dared venture into the Wayside, whilst still wearing said kilts. All anyone heard at first was, "Baroness, Baroness, No! No! Baroness! No, Baroness! Uh oh. Someone help the man in the skirt get away from the Baroness, please." Yeah, she was curious and decided it was time to answer the age-old question for herself. Poor guy.
This led, somewhat understandably, to an earnest conversation about the potential efficacy of an electric dog shock collar for modifying and controlling the Baroness' behaviour. Oddly enough, there were none who thought this would be a cruel idea. Everyone polled was vastly in favour of the idea; of course, they also wanted possession of the trigger mechanism.
Ways to Clear a Bar Quickly #4
Did you know that a frozen shrimp tail barb can penetrate the human thumb quite easily? To a depth of an eighth of an inch?
If you want to clear a bar quickly, or at least the kitchen, start asking around for a wickedly sharp, yet thin-tipped knife. Almost everyone in the bar will have a knife, but they'll also want to know why you need to borrow their knife. Then you get to explain that you would like to cut a shrimp barb out of your thumb. Suddenly you'll find yourself surrounded by a pile of rather nice pocket- and hunting knives, but utterly abandoned to your grisly task. At least it was the thumb in which I have very little feeling on the best of days. The knife I went with was a hunting knife, extremely sharp, and well-balanced. The incision itself is an eighth of an inch deep by a quarter of an inch long, but really only two or three millimeters wide. Like I said, a wonderfully sharp knife. Of all the days for me to not have one of my own knives in my pocket.
To cap off the evening, the Baroness provided some sage advice to Dot. Dot burst through the kitchen door doing a "spider in my shirt" dance, though the cause was not a spider, but rather, "A creepy guy just touched my arm." The Baroness merely shrugged and said, "You'll get accustomed to it."
Ways to Clear a Bar Quickly #3
The Albeni Falls Pipe and Drum Band participated in today's Huckleberry Festival events, which involved men in kilts. Men, in kilts, who dared venture into the Wayside, whilst still wearing said kilts. All anyone heard at first was, "Baroness, Baroness, No! No! Baroness! No, Baroness! Uh oh. Someone help the man in the skirt get away from the Baroness, please." Yeah, she was curious and decided it was time to answer the age-old question for herself. Poor guy.
This led, somewhat understandably, to an earnest conversation about the potential efficacy of an electric dog shock collar for modifying and controlling the Baroness' behaviour. Oddly enough, there were none who thought this would be a cruel idea. Everyone polled was vastly in favour of the idea; of course, they also wanted possession of the trigger mechanism.
Ways to Clear a Bar Quickly #4
Did you know that a frozen shrimp tail barb can penetrate the human thumb quite easily? To a depth of an eighth of an inch?
If you want to clear a bar quickly, or at least the kitchen, start asking around for a wickedly sharp, yet thin-tipped knife. Almost everyone in the bar will have a knife, but they'll also want to know why you need to borrow their knife. Then you get to explain that you would like to cut a shrimp barb out of your thumb. Suddenly you'll find yourself surrounded by a pile of rather nice pocket- and hunting knives, but utterly abandoned to your grisly task. At least it was the thumb in which I have very little feeling on the best of days. The knife I went with was a hunting knife, extremely sharp, and well-balanced. The incision itself is an eighth of an inch deep by a quarter of an inch long, but really only two or three millimeters wide. Like I said, a wonderfully sharp knife. Of all the days for me to not have one of my own knives in my pocket.
To cap off the evening, the Baroness provided some sage advice to Dot. Dot burst through the kitchen door doing a "spider in my shirt" dance, though the cause was not a spider, but rather, "A creepy guy just touched my arm." The Baroness merely shrugged and said, "You'll get accustomed to it."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)