UN Night at the Wayside

Last night was "United Nations Visits Trout Creek Night" at the Wayside. The most innocuous incident was the French-speaking four-top who walked in after having been refused service across the street ("the kitchen was closing"). Tough ... mine was closed too, but I was still there with equipment turned on, and, of late, I relish serving people that are turned away across the street.

The French Incident:

"Can you speak enough French to help this four-top that just walked in?", asks my innocent server.

My response?

"Well ... not unless you want to say:

• I am a transvestite (Je suis travesti);
• This is military terrain (Ceci est le terrain militaire);
• Those are great pants! (Ceux-là sont de grands pantalons!); or
• Are you mental? (Etes-vous mental?).

These are my personalized phrases in addition to the more run-of-the-mill phrases that I've picked up from reading or watching (British) television."

Brave little server ... "Nooooo ... not helpful, but it sounds like there may be an interesting story there."

Ah, but it gets better. The night also involved a fair amount of Spanish language skills.

The Forest Service, in its infinite wisdom, has decided to post to the Kootenai fire crew this season a young Hispanic man who, until last night, had never set foot outside of Texas. And he landed in Trout Creek, Montana.

The newbie is fluently bilingual, but uses Spanish mostly where he lives. Poor guy - all night long his body language screamed "I'm scared to death!" When I was dispatched to take my turn on the welcome committee, I couldn't help but ask him: "¿Quién fastidia usted ser enviado aquí? ¿Está usted seguro que ellos no joden justo con usted?" Well, at least he laughed.

The group he was with took him "on tour," ending with several hours' drinking shots at Sneakers in Noxon. Then, round about 3:30am, he got to meet the Sheriff himself when their vehicle was pulled over. Is it any wonder the number of DUIs in the county dropped so markedly last year when an obvious dui/open container/etc. violation gets written up only for speeding and littering?!?

Later this week, the Forest Service is adding two guys from Arizona to the fire crew. They're rumoured to be nowhere near as ... sheltered as the kid who was saddled last night with the unfortunate nickname "The Foreign Exchange Student." That has the feel of a name that is going to stick around.