This past weekend hosted the Poker Run - a charity event involving snowmobiles, alcohol, and poker hands. The evening caps off with an auction held in the bar. While the whole event is insanely busy and action packed, there are certain moments that stand out above the rest. Back-to-back twelve hour plus work days fried my memories a bit, but here are some of the high- (or low-, depending on your point of view) lights.
Louise: "I beat it to death with a bottle of Clamato. By the time I stopped, the label was flying off of the bottle and all that remained was a pile of disintegrated spider pulp."
Banner hanging on the porch: Welcome Snowmobilers! Thank you for using a designated driver. (Is that inherently contradictory, or is it just me? It seems the whole point of the event is to get as drunk as possible while snowmobiling the course.) Beeresponsible. (Yes, that was all one word).
Auctioneer: "And the winner of the year's subscription to the Sanders County Ledger is ... oh no, the winners are our visitors from Mount Vernon, Washington. That is really too bad. I was hoping someone local would win this prize; the last thing we need is for people in another state to be regularly seeing what passes for a paper here. I'm sorry folks ... it really is too bad ya'll are gonna hafta see that in your mailbox every week."
Poker Run Organizer: "Not surprisingly, since tonight is Valentine's Day, we have a couple of anniversaries in the house. One of our celebrating couples has been together 25 years tonight! Give them a round of applause. The other anniversary I know about is 13 years running. I've got a special song I'd love to play just for them. Mongo's put it into the cd player, so let's hear it." (And, then, I kid you not, played "Billie Jean". Am I being stalked by that song?!? Five years and running ... not a single exception to the "Billie Jean"/wedding rule).
Mongo, by the way, is Louise's husband, named after the giant gingerbread man in Shrek 2.
On the long list of t-shirts that I want to design for myself is a rather simple one. On the front: "Catering Mercenary"; on the back: "Just play 'Billie Jean;". On black, of course ... to go with that catering assassin chic look.
The Baroness: Oh yeah, you just knew she was going to factor into this whole thing somewhere. She was flying solo, having left her husband (to be known as Major 'Benjy' Flint, a recurring character from E.F. Benson's Mapp and Lucia series) at home after a fight. At the end of the auction she strolled into the kitchen with her top pulled low, an eight inch, talking, Jeff Foxworthy action figure peeking out over the top of her cleavage. As difficult as it is to take the Baroness seriously when she is pixelated (to use her term), it becomes infinitely more challenging when Foxworthy is peering out of her cleavage saying "You might be a redneck if ...."
I mustn't forget to mention the lovely note left for me Friday night by my bartender and servers, thanking me for all of the help "stalking." From this note Louise was left to conclude that I was either a) creeping about the place with my hands over my head in my best silent film style, or b) threatening people with bits of celery. She refrained from correcting the note lest she make an ass of herself by revealing that she wasn't a part of the inside joke. No ... there was no inside joke, nor did I spend the night skulking about, with or without veggies. I must have done a damned fine job of "stalking" the beer cooler during the bar rush, though.
I remember one year the most hotly contested bidding focused on a load of gravel from the Sorlies; there were actually glares exchanged when the item finally sold to the winner. The same year, a group of 4 out-of-towners brought their own foldable canvas table and chairs, which insisted on folding up every time they would put something on top of it. Very inconvenient to serve dinner on, not to mention the drinks... :)
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