Kilts and Dog Collars: Ways to Clear a Bar Quickly #s 3 & 4

Why stop with just one way to clear a bar quickly when you could have two on the same day?


Ways to Clear a Bar Quickly #3
The Albeni Falls Pipe and Drum Band participated in today's Huckleberry Festival events, which involved men in kilts. Men, in kilts, who dared venture into the Wayside, whilst still wearing said kilts. All anyone heard at first was, "Baroness, Baroness, No! No! Baroness! No, Baroness! Uh oh. Someone help the man in the skirt get away from the Baroness, please." Yeah, she was curious and decided it was time to answer the age-old question for herself. Poor guy.

This led, somewhat understandably, to an earnest conversation about the potential efficacy of an electric dog shock collar for modifying and controlling the Baroness' behaviour. Oddly enough, there were none who thought this would be a cruel idea. Everyone polled was vastly in favour of the idea; of course, they also wanted possession of the trigger mechanism.


Ways to Clear a Bar Quickly #4
Did you know that a frozen shrimp tail barb can penetrate the human thumb quite easily? To a depth of an eighth of an inch?

If you want to clear a bar quickly, or at least the kitchen, start asking around for a wickedly sharp, yet thin-tipped knife. Almost everyone in the bar will have a knife, but they'll also want to know why you need to borrow their knife. Then you get to explain that you would like to cut a shrimp barb out of your thumb. Suddenly you'll find yourself surrounded by a pile of rather nice pocket- and hunting knives, but utterly abandoned to your grisly task. At least it was the thumb in which I have very little feeling on the best of days. The knife I went with was a hunting knife, extremely sharp, and well-balanced. The incision itself is an eighth of an inch deep by a quarter of an inch long, but really only two or three millimeters wide. Like I said, a wonderfully sharp knife. Of all the days for me to not have one of my own knives in my pocket.


To cap off the evening, the Baroness provided some sage advice to Dot. Dot burst through the kitchen door doing a "spider in my shirt" dance, though the cause was not a spider, but rather, "A creepy guy just touched my arm." The Baroness merely shrugged and said, "You'll get accustomed to it."